This post is meant for users on FFN.
It is not a personal blog. So bite me.

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If any of these apply to you, I will most likely not read your stories at all:


- Songfics.
Yes, even songfics using Beatles songs. ;] I have yet to read any songfic that was good. Songfics are generally extremely short, and because the writer focuses too much on following the song, they don't use any creativity or use their imaginations. Songfics are always much too literal. Also, it is in the FFN guidelines, and it is against the rules to use the lyrics to any public song because of copyright issues. Some people like to report songfics, even if there's a disclaimer somewhere.


- Stories based on movies/musicals.
See Songfics. They're really the same thing.


- Mary Sues/Marty Stus.
There are a lot of people who still don't know what these are. In a nutshell, they are characters who are WAY too perfect. If you want to know if your character [OCs or already-made characters both] is a Mary Sue or Marty Stu, click on the link and take the test. Feel free to ask if you don't understand how to take it. [link]


- Bad grammar.
Okay, I know not everyone was blessed with perfect punctuation, but if you are dyslexic or have grammar problems, find yourself a Beta Reader [an editor]. There's this handy new FFN invention called Beta Reader Profiles [surprise!] so just browse through them. They're a wonder. Or if you're really that desperate, ask me and I can do it for you, but keep in mind that I'm a little picky and have a Profile of my own. The grammar is just a big distraction if you aren't good with it, and most people will just skip reading it completely.


- Short chapters.
SERIOUSLY. If you want to tell a story, do NOT tell it in tiny increments! What's the point in typing out 150 words [including Author's Notes] for every chapter? Just clump 5 chapters into one, and people will get interested. Btw, short chapters = 1-3 typed pages in size 10-12 font. And that's including Author's Notes.


- Nonexistant paragraphs.
Joseph Conrad* and Gina** are the only exceptions. ;] Without paragraphs, the text gets all mushed together and it is almost impossible to focus on what's going on.
*The author of Heart of Darkness for those of you who don't know; Google or Sparknote him.
**devID: moonlightvamp; FFN: wizardwheezes


- "I suck at summaries."
Great, thanks for sharing. If your summaries suck, we can tell for ourselves, thanks. We aren't stupid. The amount of characters* you use saying how terrible your summaries are could be used to actually make the summaries BETTER. So stop trying to justify yourself.
*A character is an individual letter, space, number, or punctuation mark when you type. FFN only allows you to use a max of 255 characters for each summary.


- Summaries with Author's Notes in them.
See above.


- "NO FLAMES!"
See above. If you can't take the haters, you've already lost. If you're that insecure about your work, you'll take offense. And that's just embarrassing.


- "This is my first fanfiction."
See above. Mostly when this is in a summary. Seriously, who cares if this is your first story? If you have talent, you'll still be good.


- Character bashing.
C'mon, how immature can you get? Even if you hate a character, not all of us do. Keep them in character. If they are really an unlikable character, you do NOT have to point it out to everyone else. We can judge characters on our own, thank you very much. Stop trying to get other people to feel the same way you do; it just DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.


- People who don't review.
This is more of a personal thing. I, as well as every other author out there, HATES when people read, add the story to their faves/alerts, and NEVER REVIEW. C'mon, guys. We take all this time to write things up, so the least you could do is tell us how we're doing.


- Vampire fics.
This idea is much too cliche. So you read books by Stephenie Meyer. Who cares? She was original, I'll give you that much, although it's nothing compared to Dracula [but that's a different story]. Loads of books are trying to be like vampire stories too, and they always end up too corny and too filled with smut to really get the story going. DO NOT be like these people. All vampire stories are, generally, the same.


- High school fics.
OH MY GOSH. The occasional High School AU is fine, and some are written pretty well, but the most boring thing in the entire world is when these stories have minimum plot lines. I don't want to read about fake characters living lives similar to mine, except better and filled with gorgeous guys. Okay, no. If you want to write an AU like this, at least put in some creativity and/or some sort of drama [and by drama, I don't mean something with abuse, cutting, depression, fake/dead parents, etc. Just make it real, like drug usage or drinking or something]. Do you have ANY idea how many Naruto stories titled "Konoha High" [or something similar] are littering FFN? And I know of NO high school where there's a huge dance within the first two weeks of the start of term, thanks. Sheesh.


- Overused plotbunnies.
This is pretty self-explanatory. Just use your imagination for once. If you can't come up with an original idea, you can't be that much of a writer.


- Stories involving the Internet/online chats/myspace (some exceptions).
The only story I have ever read that has Internet usage and is still a masterpiece is probably TheCherryOnTop by ohwhatsherface*. Read it and you'll see why it works. [link] But in general, if there are blogs, IMing, myspace, etc, then the story can't be taken seriously. Things like myspace and facebook are already considered to be the lamest teen fad ever, and even though it's realistic that a character would have one, it's unprofessional. You don't see novels where the characters take myspace pictures in their bathrooms, do you? ;]
*Apparently she changed her penname to Epiff Annie II - THE RIPPER. I don't know why. But she's still reserving the name ohwhatsherface. Weird much?


- Unoriginality.
This is pretty self-explanatory too. Make up scenarios or storylines that have never or is rarely ever used. If you take a commonly-written-about subject, make a twist in it so it's not the same as everyone else's. Readers will get confused if everything sounds the same. They won't be able to remember if they've read it or not. [I should know...]


- Plot thieves.
I have dealt with many of these before myself, not just for my own stories, but for many others' too. HOW DARE YOU STEAL ANOTHER PERSON'S STORY. They use their imaginations and talent, and they spend all that time trying to make their story great. Plot thieves do nothing but copy/paste the text and change the occasional name or word around. How shallow is it for someone to do that? You're only going to make the original author EXTREMELY upset, and then you will forever have a bad reputation with other readers who know that you can't write, so you have to steal someone else's story instead.


- Chapters without title names.
Alex* does this a lot, so it's really nothing personal. I just don't really enjoy those sorts of things. I always get confused if I've read a chapter already or not. You can't expect me to memorize where I am in every single story [if you've checked my favorites list, I have about 200 stories to keep up with].
*devID: Pirateofurworld; FFN: Damn Regret.


- Authors who bribe people for reviews.
I used to do this myself, but now I understand why it's stupid. People will review your stories if they like it or want to spend the time telling you something. Don't hold your next chapter hostage for something as stupid as reviews. Numbers do NOT matter. Only the writing does.


- OCs with major roles.
OCs aren't always bad, but most OCs are Mary Sues/Marty Stus, and I've already said how annoying they are. Also, if you're making an OC for an anime, stop using American/English names like Anthony and Christina or whatever. Unless it's for FMA, you need to use Japanese names. =x In general, be very careful when you use OCs. They can either be a lifesaver or a disaster.


- Humor stories that are random, plotless, and (most often than not) NOT funny.
I don't like labeling my stories as "humor" anymore because of how it's being taken nowadays. Humor = sarcastic and witty and involving veryveryvery minor OOC bits [like in the HP story Promise Me Love [link] by JodieLove when Lucius tries his first hot dog when Hermione takes the Malfoys to the fair]. If you want to have the characters say stupid things, be in stupid situations, and have every other line written in all-capitals, I suggest you put it under the "parody" genre instead. A HUMOR STORY IS NOT A CRACK STORY. Make sure you know the difference. Most humor stories nowadays are COMPLETELY random and make no sense whatsoever, and the characters don't even act like themselves. A lot of the outbursts are all inside jokes that only the author and their friends understand. It's a MAJOR way to lose readers, trust me.


- Stories that begin with an alarm clock and/or the main character waking up.
In itself, this image is terrible in ALL movies, music videos, and stories alike, even professional ones. It's uncreative, and most of the time, this scene is only used to show how the character is late, what the character looks like that particular day, and how it's [most often than not] the first day of school [especially when the story revolves around transfer students...GAG ME].


- When characters "fall in love" just because they have feelings for the other person; when characters fall in love without much reason.
I'm a romantic, but that makes me aware of how rare love is. People in real life AND characters in fanfiction both CANNOT fall in "love" in too short of a time. If anything, they are only in very strong "like" or "lust" or "attraction" or whatever. I suggest you read Don't Take Love Lying Down by Brad Henning [yes, it's an actual book]. Not only will this help you with real life situations and the issue of "love," but it will also open your eyes to reality and how you should be writing your stories.


- Unjustified OOC traits.
See Mary Sue/Marty Stu.


- And so on.
I'm only just getting started. My god.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask and I'll clarify.


Last update: 7/12/08


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